My parents recently moved to New Jersey, and they took a trip to Atlantic City during which they sampled some of the omnipresent buffets. Here’s what my dad had to say about them.

As the principal mainstay of an Atlantic City diet is the buffet I decided to try some. I found that most were not open. This was despite the fact that several large billboards, and assorted flashing banner signs three feet high advertised that they were open. To further disappoint, the casino we arrived at as part of the transportation was handing out fifty percent off coupons to their closed restaurant; It put in mind of the old joke about the butcher whose customer complained about the price of steak being too high, “The Safeway has it on sale for half that amount,” complained the customer. “And how much steak has the Safeway?” asked the butcher. “Why none,” replied the customer. “Well come back on Tuesday, and I won’t have any either, and, I’ll sell it to you for 78 percent off!”

Anyway, I finally arrived at the TAJ whose buffet was open. More’s the pity. I won’t bore you with the decrepit state of the casino’s facilities, but the bathrooms, which a la Bugsy Siegel, are supposed to be famous for their opulence were more a la Mickey D’s. How the mighty have fallen! Is there no depths to which Mr. Trump has not descended? Wait and see.

To save you time, I’m going to write this as an open letter to the Buffet’s chef:

Dear Sir or Madam:

1. Tuna steak should not taste like turkey.
2. Likewise, turkey should not taste like tuna steak.
3. Turkey gravy is actually supposed to have taste.
4. Stuffed cabbage should never be made with spaghetti sauce.
5. Pasta should never be over-boiled.
6. While fat content in a steak is to marbled at, one containing over fifty percent gristle is not.
7. Junior’s cheesecake was perfected over 50 years ago, there was no reason to defrost it.
8. Chicken cattuatore requires simmering, not baking.
9. Shellfish should not be left out indefinitely
10. Please instruct the wait staff to fill up items such as water and iced tea automatically, and not cause the customer to wait upon their pleasure. Do not ask “do you want more… Fill it.” You’ll get better tips.

Open letter to the Manager of the Canal Street Deli, in the Showboat:

1. Can you explain your system of ordering food?
2. Why do people have to order twice?
3. Why do you use two or more order numbers?
4. Why does your staff seem untrained and mismanaged?

We noticed no one was eating in any of the other buffets in most of the casino restaurants; all were closed or empty.

Perhaps it was because it was a Thursday and the staff was dispirited because of the Yankee game.

My dad has contributed to the blog before.

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